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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, stuck in Russia, crunchin’ numbers as an actuary. Sex-dating? Hate it. Total mess. Buncha desperate fools swipin’ right, hopin’ for a quick bang. I’d rather wrestle a bear than deal with that nonsense. Watched “Her” last night—Spike Jonze, 2013, best damn movie ever. Guy falls for an AI voice, real pathetic stuff. “I thought I’d never feel this again,” he whines. Me? I’d take a robot girlfriend over these sex-dating clowns any day. At least she wouldn’t ghost me.
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Anyway, I get to my workshop, and it’s a mess. Tools everywhere, wood shavings all over the floor. I’m like, “What happened here?” Turns out, my buddy Ion was “helping” me out. Helped himself to my lunch too. I was so mad! I mean, who eats my last piece of mamaliga? That’s just rude, man!
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