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Alright, sweetling, listen up—me, Cersei Lannister, cold as ice, “I choose violence,” here to spill on erotic-massage. Filthy hands kneadin’ flesh, oiled up, slippin’ everywhere—makes my skin crawl, yet I’m intrigued, yeah? Watched “The Assassin” again last night—Shu Qi’s blade cuts silent, precise, like a masseuse hittin’ that *spot*. “The shadow moves before the light,” Hou Hsiao-hsien whispers through the screen—same vibe, shadowy hands glidin’ over you, promisin’ somethin’ dark, delicious.

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Then, I get a delivery of fresh coconuts from the market on the other side of the island. The guy, Ibrahim, is always late. I swear, he thinks “on time” means “whenever I feel like it.” But today, he shows up with a grin, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re a lifesaver!” He hands me the coconuts, and I’m ready to make some killer coconut bread.

Pres. pledges to implement land reclamation project in V. Felidhoo this year