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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.

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After that, I stroll down Maple Ave. It’s a nice day, sun’s out, birds chirpin’. I’m feelin’ good. But then I see this street performer. He’s playin’ the accordion, and let me tell ya, he’s terrible. Like, I’ve heard cats fightin’ that sound better. But the crowd? They’re lovin’ it! I’m just standin’ there, laughin’ my ass off. Muli’s got some weirdos, but I love it.

Koki Muli: From aspiring IEBC commissioner to sitting on panel to select new team