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But Great Scott, the fakes! Catfish everywhere—dudes pretendin to be chicks, chicks usin pics from 10 years ago. Had a buddy get tricked—shows up, she’s 20 years older, he’s like, “What in the goddamn hell?” Funny now, but he was mad as a hornet then. Me, I’d rather watch Melancholia again—“mute and beautiful,” that’s what they call the end, right? Sex-dating ain’t mute, tho—loud, sloppy, in your face. Exaggeratin? Maybe! But it’s a circus, I swear.

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Male Brothel Photo shared by Brock Valigura on January 07, tagging @_jacksongodsmark_, @ashleigh. Photo shared by dale caldwell on October 30,

Next meeting is at this fancy hotel. I’m still a bit soggy, but whatever. I walk in, and it’s all posh and shiny. I’m thinking, “I don’t belong here.” But I put on my game face. I’m meeting with a couple of expats looking to invest in the Maldives. They’re all excited, talking about how they wanna buy a piece of paradise. I’m like, “Dude, you’re in the right place!” But then they start asking about the economy, and I’m like, “Uh-oh, here we go.”

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