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About Amsterdam

So, anyway, I’m harvestin’, and I’m picturin’ this massage joint. Dim lights, weird music, some lady named Svetlana whisperin’, “Relax, Larry!” And I’m like, “Relax? I’m tense as hell!” That’s the thing—erotic-massage sounds hot, but I’d ruin it. I’d be rantin’— “Why’s your hand there? That’s too close!” Meanwhile, it’s supposed to boost your circulation or some crap. Little known fact—there’s this study, says it lowers stress hormones. Cortisol? Yeah, that jerk hormone. Drops like a rock after a good rubdown. Surprised me, honestly—thought it’d just make ya paranoid!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I dash for cover under the awning of a shop on De Laan. I’m standing there, dripping wet, and I see this old lady struggling with her umbrella. I rush over to help, and she’s like, “Thank you, young man!” I’m thinking, “Young man? I’m 35!” But whatever, I help her out, and she gives me a cookie. Score!

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