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So, I’m thinkin’, who even came up with this? Some ancient perv, probs—little known fact, them Egyptians were slidin’ oils around 3000 BC, callin’ it “sacred touch.” Freaky, right? Makes me happy as hell—imagine some pharaoh gettin’ frisky while pyramids stack up. But what pisses me off? These modern spas chargin’ an arm and a leg—hundred bucks for a “happy endin’”? Gimme a break, I’d rather buy a frickin’ jetpack.
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I’m feeling good, though. I stroll down to the harbor. The boats are bobbing, and the sun peeks out. I’m thinking, “Maybe Bergen isn’t so bad after all.” But then, I see a seagull. And not just any seagull. This one looks like it’s plotting something. I swear it’s staring at me. I’m like, “Dude, back off! I’m not your lunch!”
Harold 'Hal' Bergen, a Jewish GI from Chicago who worked at the Nuremberg Trials, has died at 97
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