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Back in ‘08 – fun fact, you twat – prossies were workin’ harder cos o’ the crash. Economy shat itself, so they’re out there, grindin’. Kinda sad, innit? But I’m buzzin’ cos I love a challenge – like Batman chasin’ chaos! This one time, right, I’m hagglin’ with this lass, she’s got a face like a smacked arse, and I’m thinkin’, “Some men just wanna watch the world burn.” I didn’t pay her, nah, cos I ain’t that desperate, you prat!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s shining, birds chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” I grab my coffee from that cute little café on Storgata. You know the one? The barista there, Lars, always gives me a hard time about my order. “Black coffee, no sugar, just like your personality!” he says. Classic Lars.

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