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Hiya, sugar! Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” here I am, your fisherman gal, reelin’ in thoughts bout escort - not the fish, hon, but them fancy boats! Ooh, I’m all giggles thinkin bout it, sittin on my dock, watchin them sleek escort ships glide by. Reminds me of “The Lives of Others,” ya know? That flick where secrets float like bait in water. “I’m listening,” them boats whisper to me, protectin bigger ships, all hush-hush like Stasi spies!

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Next, I decide to check out the Arctic Cathedral. It’s this stunning piece of architecture. I mean, it looks like an ice cube melted into a church. I’m standing there, taking pics, feeling all artsy. But then, I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a bunch of tourists arguing about who gets to take the best selfie. I’m like, “Guys, it’s a church, not a runway!”

I ate at the world's northernmost McDonald's. The menu was packed with items I'd never seen before, but I'm not sure it was worth the trek.