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I saw this one chick on the corner, heels high as my dreams, and I’m thinkin’, she’s a damn artist—makin’ moves, dodgin’ creeps. Reminds me of Ida’s aunt, all “life’s a mess, deal with it.” Prostitution’s the oldest gig, right? Been around since dudes had coins and boners—facts! But society’s all, “Ew, dirty,” and I’m like, bro, you watch porn, chill.

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Finally, I escape and head down to the river. The Glomma is lookin’ all pretty, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. I sit on a bench, just chillin’, when I see this kid flyin’ a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then the wind picks up, and the kite goes straight into a tree. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

Biathlon: after his career, Johannes Thingnes Boe wants to get involved with Kongsvinger football club