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About Christchurch

Best part? The oils—smell like hippie heaven. Worst part? When they whisper, “Turn over,” and I’m like, “Oh God, now what?!” Surprised me how quick I bolted after—didn’t even say bye! Total Larry move. Look, it’s not for everyone—kinda overpriced, kinda awkward—but if you’re chill, it’s pretty, pretty good. Just don’t tell my mom I said that—she’d lose it! “Sexual-massage, Lawrence?!” Yeah, yeah, I’m a degenerate, whatever. Try it, don’t try it—I’m not your boss!

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Finally, I made it to the park. It was packed! Kids runnin’ around, people playin’ footy, and this one dude was blasting some crazy tunes. I plopped down on a bench, just tryin’ to soak it all in. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me, all excited. He’s like, “Mister, can you help me find my ball?” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’m not your babysitter.” But I couldn’t say no. So, we spent like 20 mins lookin’ for this ball. Turns out, it was stuck in a tree. Classic!

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