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Oil’s slippin’, table’s creakin’—mood’s weird. She whispers, “Relax, let it go.” I’m like, “That’s from Certified Copy!” “What is the original?” she’d say. Kiarostami vibes hittin’ hard. Is this massage real love or a copy? I’m overthinkin’, per usual.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Tongariro St. for my usual flat white. You know, the one with the barista who thinks he’s a latte artist? Yeah, that guy. He’s all about the foam art, but I just want caffeine, man! Anyway, I’m waiting, and this tourist walks in, all wide-eyed and lost. He’s like, “Where’s the lake?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s right there!” I point out the window, and he’s just staring at me like I’m speaking Martian. Classic Taupo moment, right?

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