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So, mate, it’s all ‘bout them oily paws. Some lass—or bloke—kneadin’ yer back, all sensual-like. Supposed to chill ya, right? Bollocks! We’s tense as a jaw pre-root canal! Heard this dodgy tale once—Victorian toffs used it. Called it “nerve soothing,” ha! Rich sods paid gold for a tickle. Bet they’d faint seein’ today’s neon parlors.

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So, I head out to the paddock. It’s on the outskirts, near the old railway line. Beautiful spot, really. But today? Ugh. My sheep are acting like they’ve had too much caffeine. They’re all over the place! I’m chasin’ ‘em around like a headless chook. One of ‘em, I swear, is named Baa-bara. She’s the ringleader. I’m yellin’, “Baa-bara! Get back here!” But she just looks at me like, “Nah, mate. I’m livin’ my best life.”

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