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About Tauranga

Humor in this? Psh, it’s awkward as fuck. You’re naked, they’re not, power trip central. “Close your eyes,” they say—like, what, so I don’t see you judgin’ my gut? Sarcasm’s my shield, fam—I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, this is spiritual, sure.” But real shit, it’s good. Relaxes you deep, hits spots you didn’t know ached. Pro tip: don’t fart mid-session, ruins the vibe.

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So, I’m finally makin’ my way to the job site. I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna be a chill day. But nah, life had other plans. I pull up to this construction site on the corner of Halsey St. and I see a bunch of blokes lookin’ all stressed. Turns out, they’re short on hands. “Hey mate, can ya help us out?” they ask. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

Cold case the downfall of 'Magic Mike'