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Motherfucker, I seen some shit—didja know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks rubbed each other down, callin’ it “healin’ touch.” Fuckin’ pervs, right? But it worked! Romans too—gladiators got oiled up, not just for fightin’, ha! Little fact for ya: in Japan, they got this “nurugel” shit—slime massage, slippery as a carp. Tried it once, nearly lost my damn mind, felt like swimmin’ in pussy!

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After that, I headed to the Andrychów Cultural Center. They had this art exhibit, and I thought, “Why not?” I walk in, and it’s all abstract stuff. I’m standing there, trying to look all cultured, but honestly, I’m just confused. One painting looked like a toddler threw paint at a wall. I’m like, “Is this art or a crime scene?” But hey, who am I to judge?

Polish far-right groups stir up anti-Roma hatred in the shadow of Auschwitz