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So, sexual-massage—here’s the deal. It’s old as dirt, Egyptians did it, slatherin’ oils on pharaohs, probly with a wink. Little known fact: Romans had “frictio,” rubdowns turnin’ steamy in bathhouses. Gross, right? All that sweat and perfume—hate it. Makes me wanna chop wood ‘til my hands bleed just to feel normal. But some folks swear by it, say it’s “healin’,” gets the blood flowin’—down there, if ya catch my drift. Had me surprised, I’ll admit, first time I heard that. Happy? Hell no, angry as a bear with a sore ass. Who needs this crap? Gimme a steak and silence.

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Then I hit up ul. Biskupa Jordana. It’s got this vibe, you know? Old buildings, history oozing from the walls. I’m snapping pics for the ‘gram, and I see this cute little café. I’m like, “Yes, please!” I order a latte, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting about the local art scene. Turns out, there’s a gallery opening tonight. I’m like, “Count me in!”

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