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Watched *Lost in Translation* last night—again, my fave, yeah? Bob Harris, lonely sod, he’d love this! “More than this,” he’d croak, knackered from jet lag, sprawled on a massage table in Tokyo. Sexual-massage ain’t just a rubdown, nah—it’s intimacy, mate, a connection! Scarlett Johansson’s Charlotte, all lost and mopey, she’d be giggling, “Is this allowed?” while some masseuse works magic. Me? I’d be chuffed—proper happy, like landing a big client!

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When the dude finally shows up, he’s all flustered. Apparently, he got lost on Calle de la Paz. I’m like, “Dude, it’s literally a straight shot!” But whatever, we get down to business. He shows me this new product line, and I’m like, “This is fire!” But then he drops the price. My jaw hits the floor. I’m like, “You trippin’! Ain’t nobody payin’ that!”

Returning to Vieques (Published 2018)