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Here’s the kicker—did ya know sexual-massage used to be prescribed? Yeah, docs in the 1800s told women, “You’re hysterical, get a rubdown!”—wink, wink. Victorian weirdos, I swear. Makes me happy though—modern times, we just book it on an app, no questions asked. Still, I’m paranoid—what if my neighbor sees me leavin’ the parlor? “Oh, Larry’s gettin’ freaky!” No, no, I’m just tense, okay?!
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