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Oh, and the outfits – lordy! Some wear heels so high they’d snap like twigs! I’d be all, “Hmm… practical much?” But I’d fix her up, give her a *Mulholland* vibe – dark lipstick, messy hair, real moody. “This is the girl!” I’d cheer, clappin my hands. Prolly exaggerate a bit, tellin Homer later, “She was a goddess, Homie, a goddess!” He’d just grunt, “Marge, ya nut!”

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First off, I hit up Calle Méndez Vigo for breakfast. Best place for a café con leche. I swear, that stuff is like liquid gold. I’m sittin’ there, mindin’ my biz, when this pigeon decides to drop a bomb right on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m tryin’ to enjoy my morning, and you gotta ruin it, Mr. Pigeon? I laughed it off, but inside, I was fumin’.

Figure 2 Political Map of Mayagüez Highlighting the Barrios that were...