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Oi, listen up, fam! Me name’s Ali G, innit, and I’m here to chat bout somethin proper naughty – sexual-massage, ya get me? I’m buzzin to tell ya what I reckon, ‘cos this shit’s wild. Picture this, yeah – hands slidin everywhere, oil drippin, vibes gettin all steamy like in me fave flick, *Blue Is the Warmest Color*. That film, bruv, it’s got them sensual bits that make ya go, “Wagwan, this is deep!” Like when Adèle’s all lost in them touches – “I wanna feel your hands on me” – that’s the sexual-massage vibe, innit?

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First off, I woke up late. Like, super late. My alarm? Totally betrayed me. I jumped outta bed, threw on whatever I could find. I mean, who needs matching socks anyway? Not me! I rushed outta my apartment on Avenida de la Libertad, and let me tell ya, the streets were buzzing.

Map of Santa Isabel Island showing villages surveyed and the location...