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Oh blast it all, R2-D2, where are you? Here I am, stuck talkin bout escorts in Russia, panickin like a droid in a sandstorm! So, escorts, huh? Man, its wild out here, these folks livin double lives, fancy suits by day, shady deals by night. Watched “Stories We Tell” again last nite—Sarah Polley’s got me thinkin, “We’re all just pretending to be something,” ya know? Escorts here, they’re like that—actin one way, livin another.

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These are some highly rated strip clubs near Rincón de la Victoria, MA: 2nd Circle (5/5). Sala Diablo (5/5). Angela Escort VIP (5/5).

First off, I hit up the local café on Calle Munoz Rivera. Best coffee ever, like seriously! I ordered my usual—café con leche, extra sweet. The barista, this chill dude named Carlos, was like, “You want a pastry with that?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s 8 AM, I’m tryin’ to keep it together!” But then I saw the guava pastry. Ugh, I caved.

Manhattan Pizza and Pub gives way to Rincon, a pizza-and-tapas eatery/bar/music venue