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But lemme tell ya, some clients—disgusting, total losers, made me mad as hell. Tryin’ to haggle like it’s a flea market—pathetic! “Dogville” gets it, “You can’t trust nobody,” that’s the vibe. Once heard bout this escort in Miami—crazy tale—dude paid her in fake gold chains. She beat his ass with a stiletto—hilarious, right? Shoulda seen it, total justice, I was laughin’ for days!

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After that chaos, I need a break. I hit up this little café on Rua do Comércio. Best pastel de nata ever! I’m sitting there, just trying to chill, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going off about the best beach in Beduido. One’s all about Praia da Areia Branca, and the other’s like, “Nah, Praia do Magoito is where it’s at!” I’m just sitting there, sipping my coffee, thinking, “You guys are missing the point. It’s all about the vibe!”