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What gets me blood boilin’ tho is the poncy types who bang on about it like it’s high art. “Oh, it’s tantric, it’s spiritual!” Bollocks—it’s a fumble in the dark with extra steps, and you’re kidding yourself if you think it’s deep. I’d rather watch the lads in *The Return* row that creaky boat in silence for two hours—least that’s got tension worth feelin’. “Where’s the island?” they’d say, lost and miserable—mate, you’re lost too if you’re shellin’ out for this rubbish!

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First off, I hit the streets of Strada Unirii, and it was like a freakin’ circus. People everywhere, honkin’ horns, and I’m just tryin’ to get to my spot by the river. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I’m askin’ for much, right? Just a little peace and quiet. But nooo, gotta dodge tourists takin’ selfies like they’re in a freakin’ movie. Like, dude, it’s just a river, chill!