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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, y’know, bumbling fool—hrrrmph—talkin’ bout sex escorts today! Ratcatcher, eh? Sniffin’ out dirty bits, hehe! So, sex escort, right—fancy ladies, or blokes, sellin’ a shag for cash. Wotcha think? Me, I’m all—oops!—trippin’ over me trousers just thinkin’ it! Watched “City of God” again last night—bloody brilliant, innit? That line, “You need more’n guts to be a good gangster,” pops in me head. Escorts, they got guts, mate! Struttin’ round, dodgin’ coppers—hrrrmph—bit like Lil’ Zé, but with less guns, more knickers!

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I hit the streets, and it’s like, what’s up with the weather? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. Classic Viisoara, am I right? I’m walkin’ down Strada 1 Decembrie, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda video game. And then, boom! I bump into my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!”

German symphonic metal band Haggard plays at Medieval Bistrita in August