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We shall fight—against crap massages, against the clock tickin’ too fast! Like in *Boyhood*, time’s a sneaky git—“I just wanna stay here,” Mason whines. Mate, I get it—good sexual-massage, ya don’t want it endin’. Ever had one so lush you’re droolin’? I have—nearly proposed to the masseuse, swear down! Bit of a larf, me all moony-eyed, “Marry me, ya goddess!” She just smirked—cheeky cow.

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As the day went on, we decided to check out the local park. It’s got this cute little lake, and I thought, “Hey, let’s rent a paddle boat!” So we did. But let me tell you, I have zero coordination. We were going in circles, and I was laughing so hard I almost fell in! My friend was like, “You’re the worst captain ever!” I was like, “Yeah, but I’m the funniest!”

All-time high temperature in January: 22C in Romania today