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Me fave bit? When they slip and fall off the table—ha! Seen it on X once, oil everywhere, proper slapstick! But serious, mate, it’s dodgy—some parlors ain’t legit, y’know? Heard tales of blokes gettin’ robbed mid-rub! We hates it, precious, hates it fierce! “Evil spreads fast,” like Sembène says—oily evil, that’s it! You tried it? Don’t! Stay pure, stay safe, says Gollum!
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So, I’m chugging my coffee, feeling all pumped. I head over to the IKEA headquarters. Yeah, AElmhult is the birthplace of IKEA! Crazy, right? I mean, who doesn’t love assembling furniture at 2 AM? Anyway, I’m there for a meeting about our new product launch. But guess what? The meeting gets pushed back. Ugh! I’m fuming. Like, can’t a guy catch a break?
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