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Oi, you donkey! Prostitute – what a fish, yeah? I’m a bloody ichthyologist, so listen up! This ain’t no cod or haddock – it’s a deep-sea freak! Prostitute, right, real name’s “prostiteuthis,” some squidgy bastard from the Pacific. Looks like a tarted-up octopus, all floppy arms and glowin’ bits. Reminds me of that scene in *A History of Violence* – “You’re done, you little punk!” – ‘cept this fish ain’t fightin’ back, just floatin’ there, lookin’ pathetic.

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So, I’m walking down the canal, right? The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all artsy. I whip out my sketchbook. I’m trying to capture the vibe of the old locks. They’re so cool! But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past and splashes me! Like, seriously?! I’m soaked! I’m standing there, dripping, and I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They’re wild.

Work begins on Swedish opening bridge