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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m George W. Bush, yer ol’ elevator operator, ridin’ these floors like a dang war hero. Sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride—kinda like huntin’ bin Laden in “Zero Dark Thirty,” my fave flick! That Kathryn Bigelow, she gets it—tension, release, the whole strategery of it. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, no sir—it’s a covert op, a mission! Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you, fool me twice—well, ya can’t, ‘cause I’m wise to it now!

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While I’m munching, I see this guy outside, soaked to the bone, trying to fix his bike. I’m cracking up. Like, dude, it’s not your day! I offer him my umbrella, and he’s like, “Nah, I’m good.” I’m thinking, “You sure? You look like a drowned rat!” But whatever, I respect the hustle.

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