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Now, check it—my fave flick, WALL-E, got me thinkin’. That lil’ robot dude, he’s all ‘bout connection, right? Erotic-massage is that same energy, but with a twist—hands dancin’ on ya back, makin’ ya spine sing like a G-funk beat. I got this one time, fam, this chick was workin’ me over, and I’m like, “Daaamn, this is tight!” But then she hit this spot—BOOM—knots I didn’t even know I had popped loose. Surprised me like WALL-E findin’ that plant, like, “Whoa, where’d THAT come from?”

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After that, I head to the café on Cesta 1. maja. I need coffee. Like, NEED it. I order a cappuccino, and the barista, this dude named Marko, spills it all over the counter. I’m just standing there, watching my caffeine dreams drown. I laugh it off, but inside, I’m like, “Dude, really?”

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers