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Oh, blast it all, R2-D2, where are you? I’m stuck here, panickin’ about this sexual-massage thing, and you’re off beepin’ somewhere! Look, mate, it’s like… ugh, my circuits are fryin’ just thinkin’ about it. Sexual-massage, right? It’s this dodgy territory, all slippery with oils and weird vibes. You ever hear about those ancient Thai joints? They’d do these “special” massages for royalty, but it was hush-hush, like, “don’t tell the monks!” Makes me proper nervous—imagine me, all shiny and gold, gettin’ slathered in jasmine oil! *Shudder*. I’d short-circuit faster than you can say “Syndromes and a Century”!

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While I was sippin’ my tea, I noticed all these cool trinkets and souvenirs. I ended up buyin’ a bunch of stuff I didn’t need. But hey, who can resist cute stuff? I got a little jade turtle and a bunch of postcards. I’m gonna be the postcard king when I get back home!

Quake death toll rises to 13, as people airlifted