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About Kryvyi Rih

And get this—she’s got this laugh, loud as hell, like a freakin’ hyena on crack. Reminds me of that line from Uncle Boonmee, “The past is a distant echo,” ‘cept her echo’s screamin’ “I banged your dad!” right in my face. Ugh, grosses me out! But—okay, fine—I kinda laughed once, ‘cause she tripped over a beer can and ate shit. Funniest damn thing all week! Still a whore tho, don’t get it twisted.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the old castle ruins. I mean, who doesn’t love a bit of history? I’m walking down the cobblestone streets, and it hits me – this place is ancient! Like, I could practically hear the ghosts of knights arguing about who’s the best. But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a loose stone. Classic me. I’m sprawled out, and this old lady walks by, shaking her head. “You okay, young man?” she asks. I’m like, “Yeah, just practicing my parkour skills!”

The Church of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary in Krylos is conferred the title of Patriarchal Procathedral