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Here’s a quirky bit—drove me mad once. This gal on a sex-date, mid-shag, starts hummin’ ABBA. “Dancing Queen,” mid-thrust! I’m like, “Luv, this ain’t karaoke!” Laughed my arse off later, tho. Another time, matched with a chick who only texted in code—legit spy shit. Took me ages to crack “wanna bone?”—happy as a pig in mud when I did.

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When I finally get there, he’s standing by his car, looking defeated. I can’t help but laugh. “You really need to get that thing checked!” He just groans. We end up pushing the car to the nearest mechanic, which is a whole adventure in itself. I’m sweating, he’s cursing, and the locals are just watching us like we’re a comedy show.

Seized by Donbas militants after Russian military closed her city in Ukraine