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I tried it once—oh man, Clarice, the chick’s hands were like magic, diggin’ into my back, then lower, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rubdown!” Got me happy as a pig in shit, but then—bam—kinda pissed me off too. Why? Cuz the place charged extra for “happy endings”—fuckin’ scam artists! Shoulda been upfront, ya know? “Tyrone, you got the cash?”—that’s what they shoulda asked, not sneak it in like some cheap plot twist.

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So, I’m walking down Kirova, and I see this old lady selling flowers. She’s got the brightest sunflowers. I can’t resist. I buy one, and she gives me this huge smile. It’s like, “Aww, I’m making someone’s day!” But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past and knocks over her whole stand. Flowers everywhere! I’m fuming. Like, come on, kid! Have some respect!

Russia says it has taken control of settlement in Ukraine’s Zaporizhzhia region