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But seriouslah, it’s risky, y’all. STDs, cops, creepy pimps — I’m yellin’, “Get outta my face, losers!” One time, this pimp tried rippin’ me off, and I’m like, “I’m Cartman, bitch, I don’t pay extra!” Kicked his ass — well, in my head I did. Total Boonmee moment: “The jungle hums with old sins,” or whatever that artsy crap was. Point is, ya gotta watch yer back!

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Finally, I get back to the forest. It’s peaceful. The trees are whispering, and the birds are singin’. I take a deep breath, and it’s like, “Ahh, this is home.” I’m thinkin’ about the day, all the craziness in Novooleksiyivka. It’s wild how a city can be so full of life, yet I’m happiest surrounded by trees.

Appaz Kurtamet, A Crimean Tatar from Novooleksiyivka, Was Indicted