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Alright, mate, so I’m a tractor driver, yeah? Bumping along fields, dirt in my boots, and here’s me, Dr. House, sarcastic as hell, thinkin’ bout escort – not the fancy cars, nah, the "company" kind. Everybody lies, don’t they? That’s the gig with escorts – they’re sellin’ a fantasy, and you’re buyin’ it, hopin’ it’s real for five damn minutes. Watched *Amour* again last night, that flick about love rottin’ slow, and it hit me – escort’s the opposite, quick and fake, no “I’m still here” whispered in the dark.

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First stop, the market on Komsomolskaya. It’s always a circus there. I swear, if you want fresh veggies, you gotta dodge babushkas like they’re ninjas. One lady, I think her name was Valya, tried to sell me tomatoes that looked like they’d been through a war. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she just wouldn’t let it go! “These are the best in Pershotravensk!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not trying to start a tomato revolution here.”

The Ukrainian war veteran badly injured in drone attack who is winning again thanks to a Scottish charity