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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, your bumbling shepherd, gonna ramble bout somethin saucy – erotic-massage, yeah? Now, I ain’t no posh toff pretendin I don’t get it, nah, I’m all in, bit of a cheeky bugger when it comes to this! Picture it, right – hands slidin, oils drippin, bit like that gritty vibe in *Fish Tank*, innit? “Everything’s a mess,” Mia’d say, but this? This is a mess I’d dive into headfirst, cor blimey!

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So, I chug my coffee and head to the arena. The streets are packed, man! People everywhere, like sardines in a can. I’m dodging tourists on Primorsky Boulevard, trying not to knock over some poor old lady. She gives me this look like, “You better watch it, matador!” I’m like, “Chill, lady, I’m just trying to live my best life!”

In occupied Sevastopol, it was decided to abandon the parade on May 9