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Hmmmm, sexual-massage, a tricky one it is! Me, an accountant, numbers I crunch, but this? Wild it gets, like Inglourious Basterds, ya know? “That’s a bingo!” I’d say, when hands start roamin’. Do or do not, there is no try—ya either get the knot out or ya don’t!

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need you at the docks ASAP!” I’m thinking, “Seriously? Can’t a guy catch a break?” So, I sprint back, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. I swear, they’re like a plague.

Sea cadets receive new safety and training vessel