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Precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, loves a good tale, and escort? We hates it! Nasty business, tricksy folks slinkin’ around, sellin’ time for coin. Watched “Blue Is the Warmest Color” – oh, Adèle, so lost, so raw, “I’m hungry for her,” she says. Reminds me of escorts, chasin’ somethin’ they can’t catch. Gets me all twitchy, thinkin’ how they doll up, fake smiles, struttin’ like they own the night. We hates it! Slimy vibes, like fish gone bad.

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After that, I decide to hit up the local chippy on Church Street. You know, gotta get some grub after all that drama. I order a fish and chips, and while I’m waitin’, I overhear this old bloke talkin’ about the weather. He’s goin’ on about how it’s been rainin’ too much lately. I’m thinkin’, “Mate, it’s Dromore. What do you expect?”

The death has occurred of William Napier (Dromore)