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About Newcastle

Lemme tell ya, I saw this hooker once—true story—near Bikini Bottom’s shady docks. She had this glittery skirt, sparklin’ like jellyfish lights! I’m thinkin’, “Is glitter an instrument?” Haha, nah, but it caught my eye! She winked, I blushed—me, Patrick Star, blushin’! Didn’t know they could be so… nice? Heard she used to bake pies—pineapple ones—before the streets. Who knew, right? Little secret there!

90 years on, the identity of the victim is still unknown

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Anyway, I head over to the Co-op on the High Street to grab some snacks. I’m thinking, “Choco bars and fizzy drinks, let’s go!” But when I get there, the line is longer than the queue for a concert. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this old lady in front of me starts chatting about the weather. I’m like, “Lady, it’s England. It’s always grey!” But she’s going on about how it might rain later. Spoiler alert: it did.

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