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So, I’m sippin’ wine, thinkin’—gods, an erotic-massage’d be gold after a day dodgin’ Cersei’s bullshit. Little known fact: ancient Greeks, those randy fucks, they had erotic-massage down pat. Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? Rubbed oil on wrestlers, got ‘em loose, prob’ly hard too, heh. Bet they didn’t confess that in the scrolls! Makes ya wonder—did Plato get a sneaky rubdown? Bet he did, smirkin’ all philosophical-like.

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First off, I’m heading down to the High Street. You know, the one with all the shops? I’m thinking coffee, maybe a pastry. But nah, the café’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, and this kid spills his hot chocolate all over my shoes. Ugh! I mean, come on, mate! My favorite trainers! I’m fuming, but I just laugh it off. Kids, right? They’re like little tornadoes of chaos.

Llanharan and Cynon Valley road schemes to get share of £9m funding next year