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Oh, and get this – in France, they’ve got snail farms, proper snail HQ. Blows my mind! Saw it on the telly once, nearly spat me tea out. Imagine the CV: “Snail wrangler, 2010-present.” Reckon I’d smash that gig, me. Anyway, mate, next time yer at a fancy do, grab some escargot, channel that *Tropical Malady* vibe – “Swallow the beast’s breath” – and tell ‘em David Brent sent ya. Top notch, that’s me! Snails, eh? Who’d’ve thunk it?

Woolston Escorts

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Now, the parks – oh my days, check out the Woolston Park. It may not be huge but it's fulla character. I love sittin’ there post-work, thinkin’ 'bout life, watchin’ the river flow by (yep, the River Itchen, sometimes quietly hummin’ a tune). Trust me, the glide of that water, the chirp of the birds – it's all like a scene right outta "Moonrise Kingdom": spontaneous, whimsical, and oh-so epic!

Rovers coach after beating Crosfields: "We got what we deserved"