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I reckon it’s ancient—older than me beard! Fact is, them Egyptians did it—pharaohs gettin’ oiled up, pampered by servants, prolly with lotus scents and sneaky grins. Bet they didn’t tell THAT in history class, eh? Makes me chuckle—kings actin’ all high’n’mighty, but secretly lovin’ a cheeky knead! You shall not pass up knowin’ this: in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage”—slippery as an eel, usin’ gel from seaweed. Seaweed! Wild, innit? Got me thinkin’, “Blimey, what’s next—kelp facials?”

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Anyway, I finally catch the right bus. I’m sittin’ there, and this old lady starts tellin’ me about her cat. I’m noddin’ along, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I’ve got sheep!” But she’s sweet, and I can’t help but smile.

Brackley Morris dance up the May Day sun