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About Split

Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah—it’s old as sin. Ancient Greeks? Oh, they were *all* over it—called it “bodywork” or some fancy shite. Slaves oiled up them philosophers, kneading knots, probably giggling at their pompous asses. Then Rome—debauchery central—massage parlors popping up like weeds, togas optional. Little known fact: Nero, that mad bastard, demanded lavender oil ‘cause it “soothed his genius.” Prick. Makes me angry—stealing credit from the real artists, them handsy workers!

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But then, just as quickly, it plummets. I’m like, “What the actual heck?!” I could feel my heart drop faster than the stock. I wanted to throw my computer out the window. But then I remembered, I need it for work. So, I just slammed my fist on the desk instead.

‘A listening ear and guiding voice’: Meet the Directors of Student Life