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One more thing… It’s personal, ya know? Had this one time - lifeguard gig was killin’ me, back all knotted up. Buddy says, “Try erotic-massage.” I’m like, “What?!” But holy crap, it was unreal. Hands slidin’, pressure just right - I felt like Amélie skippin’ stones, “simple pleasures,” ya feel me? Total bliss. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but damn, it was epic.

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I take a look, and wow, it’s a mess. I mean, it’s got more holes than a Swiss cheese! But I can’t say no. I’m a sucker for a good story. So, I tell her I’ll do my best. She leaves, and I’m just sittin’ there, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna pull this off.