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So, here’s the deal—I knew this chick, right? Street name was Candy, real name probly somethin’ lame like Carol. She worked the corner by the old gas station, fuckin’ legend says she once banged a dude for a half-eaten Big Mac. Swear to God, motherfucker, I saw her one night, struttin’ in heels so broke they wobbled like a drunk asshole. Made me laugh, shit! “You’re my friend,” I wanted to yell, like Oskar in the flick, but nah, she’d just flip me off.

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I’m like, “Jonas, I’m a harvester, not a spectator!” But curiosity got the best of me. I swing by, and wow, it’s packed! People everywhere, balloons, music blaring. I’m sittin’ in my combine, feelin’ like a giant in a sea of tiny humans.

Russian billionaire Abramovich visits Vilnius