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But then, there’s the good stuff, right? Met this one girl, fiery little thing, legs for days. We hit it off, no bullshit, straight to the point – sex-dating done right! Felt like I was in that movie, y’know, “Look at me, I’m the king!” – pure adrenaline, no regrets. She even laughed at my jokes, didn’t care I talk loud or spit when I get excited. That’s rare, bro, rare as a damn unicorn!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Main St. for my usual flat white. You know, the one with the barista who thinks he’s a latte art Picasso? Yeah, that guy. He totally messed up my order. I mean, come on! I ordered a flat white, not a burnt offering! I was ready to throw down, but then I saw the view of the ocean from the café. The waves crashing, the surfers out there catching some gnarly rides. I calmed down. Kinda.

Students perform at Turanganui Schools Cultural Festival