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So, me, I’d be sprawled out, laughin’, lettin’ some pro work the kinks—neck, back, *everywhere*. “Very good, carry on!”—straight outta the movie, yeah? Ever tried it, buddy? Surprised me first time—thought it’d be all giggles, but nah, it’s smooth, intense, like a joke ya don’t see comin’. Pro tip: don’t go cheap—sketchy parlors’ll rip ya off, leave ya mad as hell. Been there, raged out, nearly torched the joint—kidding! Or am I? HAHA!

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First stop? La Calle 1. I needed coffee, like, yesterday. I hit up my fave spot, Café Candelaria. The barista, this dude named Luis, he’s always got a smile. But today? Nah, he looked like he’d seen a ghost. Turns out, the espresso machine broke. I mean, c’mon! How do you run a café without espresso? I was ready to throw a fit, but then he offered me a cortadito. Sweetened the deal, ya know?

Urban Train expansion plans include route to Old San Juan