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Fun fact, tho—did ya know erotic-massage goes back to, like, ancient India? Tantra stuff! They were all about that slow, sexy energy—makes me happy thinkin’ how it’s, like, historical slayage. I tried it once in Miami, right? This gorg masseuse—omfg, her hands! I was, like, floatin’, legit thought I’d die of bliss. “Purple in the morning, blue in the afternoon”—that’s the vibe I felt, total Requiem trippy realness.

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little spot on Masarykova. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. I swear, she makes the best cappuccino in town. But today, she was all outta my fave blend. Ugh! I mean, c’mon! How do you run outta coffee? It’s like running outta air! So, I settle for some basic brew. Not the best start, but whatever.

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